how to escape
by chasingafterstarlight
Summary: Or, how to mess things up for yourself and other people. /BeckJade, non-linear.


_**how to escape**_**  
>or how to screw up your life<strong>

_**i.**_

Fate seems to work in ways you never expect.

He pulls you to him and in a moment you're filled with feelings you didn't see coming. For a moment, you are infinite, floating far above everyone else.

Then in a moment, the repercussions of what you've just done come crashing down.

Because the world doesn't revolve around the two of you, sadly enough.

_**ii.**_

"Hi," you greet her carefully.

"Go away." She stabs a tomato with a fork.

"You wish," you toss out carefully, sitting down beside her. "You can't stay mad at me forever."

"I can try," she replies icily, picking up her bag and walking out.

You wonder why you're such a bad person and why you have no idea what to say anymore. You call her name, but she doesn't turn around, and you understand why.

_**iii.**_

The sky is absolute, stretching out in both directions, shining above you like a blanket of sequins and shimmering sparkles, offering the freedom that you've always wanted but have never been able to acquire somehow. You wish you were a bird so that you could soar off into the stars and disappear, never to be seen again. You doubt that anyone would miss you.

Someone's lips brush your cheek, and you know who it is before you turn around. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" he murmurs in your ear, his arms snaking around your waist.

"Avoiding you," you hiss, stiffening in his arms. "Avoiding everyone."

You don't want to be having this conversation with _him_, with anyone, really, because you've been spending the last few days avoiding the inevitable. It's one of those things that shouldn't be possible, but with you, impossible is nothing.

"Stop running," he whispers, and the chills run down your spine but _no_, the guilt is mixed with the pleasure and it's turning everything _grey_.

"You don't tell me what to do," you retort, but somehow your lips find his and your hands find his sleek hair and all you can think is that this is the best kind of mistake.

He's your guilty pleasure but you wouldn't have it any other way, really.

_**iv.**_

The whispers follow you around school.

You hold tighter to his hand and pretend as if they don't bother you, as if they don't get to you, but they're oh-so-categorically-true and you don't know how to feel about that, about the fact that when you get down to it, all you do is break things.

So maybe people smile when you sing, but if that's the only thing that you can do right… well, you're a pretty pathetic person, aren't you?

You pretend like it doesn't bother you, that it's all okay, but really, your life is so messed up and you don't know how to fix it.

"She stole her best friend's boy," they whisper, staring at you from behind jaded eyes. "She's such a bad person."

The words that they call you, the _names_, they all blur together until you can't understand them anymore and you can't understand why you even try anymore.

He holds your hand tighter, gives it a squeeze, but it's not enough for you anymore.

_**v**_**.**

"I can't believe you," she says.

You can't believe yourself, either.

"Why?" she asks.

You don't know.

"I'm sorry," you whisper.

And for once, you mean it.

With a frown of pure disapproval and something like hatred on her face, she walks away, leaving you to destroy yourself mentally for destroying her emotionally.

She's a sweet girl and you're just a horrible person, right?

_**vi.**_

"Why are you doing this?" you ask as he presses his lips against yours again. "Why?"

That's the question that's been gnawing at your brain since this whole affair began.

"Because you're different," he whispers against your lips.

But you're not and you don't know why he's saying this, really, because it doesn't make any sense and the issue is still pressing at your mind. "She was special, too," you remind him, your voice deeper than usual.

"She still is," he reminds you, and you pull away to stare into his smoldering eyes, wondering what's going on.

He gives you a teasing smile and you push him back, because with him, love has always been a game and guess what? He always _wins_.

"I hate you," you whisper, and as the words lay in the air between the two of you, you realise how true they are, so you repeat them. "I _hate_ you."

Then, you leave him with those words hanging in the air between you, and you stomp off, the rhythm of your heavy boots the only thing keeping you going.

_**vii**_**.**

"This is Jade West. Go die in a hole. _Beep_."

"Jade, you know who this is, and you can't keep avoiding me forever. I… I'm sorry, okay? I was just… she's still special to me, but in a different way than you? She was my first real girlfriend, and really, she's just Cat and she'll always be special. All right- I'm done rambling, I _don't_ ramble. Bye, babe. Call me back, please? You have my number."

"Would you like to erase this message? _Bleep_. Message erased."

Yes. Yes, you can keep avoiding him forever.

You turn over in your bed, pulling the covers tighter over your head, and you let yourself drift into dreams of meadows and happily-ever-afters that you're never going to receive.

_**ix.**_

"He loves you," she whispers.

"No, he doesn't," you tell her bitterly. "It was you. I'm just a distraction, a different turn, a detour on your path to true love."

"I don't even know how you could think that," she retorts, her mouth forming a perfect little "o" shape. "Look. I'll move on, Jade, I'll get over it! I'll be just fine. But you won't."

And for once, she's right. She's so right, because you're in so deep and so messed up that there will be no getting over this.

"Thanks," you whisper sincerely, amazed at how selfless she is.

She just smiles and fades away.

_**x**_**.**

Surprisingly enough, he comes to you under a blanket of black sky and sprinkled stars. With a soft smile, he tells you, "I'm sorry."

The words are meaningless.

"I know," you retort, turning back to the sky. "I know."

His lips press against your neck, and you're torn between the desire to kiss him and the desire to shove him away, exclaiming bitterly over how gross he is. Your hormones win over and you pull him to you in a flurry of lips against lips.

"Is that a yes?" he manages to whisper between flurried breaths.

"It's an I'll consider it," you tell him, but from the brilliant look on his face to the sparkling skies above, you think that it might as well have been a marriage proposal.

And maybe you're not perfect- you never have been- but you've realized that he is not either and really, perfection is overrated.

_**xi**_.

From there, you go from the two people who really _shouldn't_ be together- the boy who cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend and the horrible girl who allowed it- to the sweet couple who kisses in the halls after class.

Sometimes you insult him. Sometimes he pretends to care.

But most of the time, it feels like the two of you are floating above the surface of the earth, two twinkling stars in the night sky, absolute in their own right, Jade West and Beck Oliver.

And you wouldn't have it any other way.

..

**A/N: Weird fic is weird and random. Please, Read & Review and don't favourite without reviewing.**

**Just a short oneshot to distract me from life. Not one of my best, but oh well.**

**Bade for the win and all.**


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